When I wrote about being at Ground Zero I was still seething at the way I had been treated, especially by my son, but also my boarder… I had given them a great deal of say in running this household and it proved to be too much… I wrote that article to offload the pain of their rejection and insults and to try to make the hurt meaningful, helpful, if not to me, at least to others.
Certainly, the writing helped, but I was still angry and very resentful…. Communications between us had almost stopped, the two men spoke in whispers or went to a neighbour to talk in private… I had to find a way of breaking through. There were so many things we needed to talk about and do before we could act on a plan to sell the house.
So I waited and watched for a chance to open the doors without creating another temper tantrum…. it kind of snuck up on me… The day before the move was planned, I realized that Pat had a problem… it would be very difficult to wrangle his bed out of his little basement suite and up the narrow stairs first here, and then in his new apartment building… and what's more, I had rented his room out and needed the bed… so I approached Pat with the suggestion that he leave his bed and I would buy him a new one which would be delivered to his new place – and brought upstairs by the deliverymen. It turned out our boarder also needed a bed, so in the end the problem was solved for both of them – surprisingly, I even got an apology for their bad behaviour…. the ice was broken.
I was determined to break through before they moved for one very good reason… I needed to be able to forgive them, I couldn't carry such venom in my heart and still do a good job as a psychic and counsellor… and being angry and resentful was not only unpleasant for others, but also for me. Somehow I needed to let it all go.
I used to struggle with the concept of forgiveness… what did it really mean? How do we forgive…Years ago I forgave my father for his harshness when we were growing up… it came out of understanding how he had been raised, and how mental illness had traumatized him… but this was different, I couldn't understand the way of it… the arguments and breakdowns had occurred over such little things, and when I was too sick to cope with them…
But then I remembered something I heard Oprah Winfrey say years ago… she said something to the effect that forgiveness comes when we can accept that things could not have been any other way…. and I could certainly see how that applied in this situation.
Given my son's disability, the only way he knew to break away from home was to get a good hate on… and the boarder had become something of a hoarder… his stuff was piled in every corner of our living spaces, his room, the cupboards and closets… I felt hemmed in, strangling on his clutter… he had to move…. And so did I… as my health deteriorated in the past few years, it became very difficult to maintain the house and the property, and my son had given up on it… I need a small flat that will be easy to care for… I need a simpler living space.
And so, when I saw that Pat and the boarder had a problem, I saw the opportunity to declare a truce, to release the anger and resentment in me…. that doesn't mean I have forgotten, just that now I can let the Universe and karma take care of any lessons or corrections needed by any of us.
Most importantly, it means that I can move on feeling lighter, more purposeful – the next chapter of my life can begin on a sweeter note…
Forgiveness has very little to do with those you need to forgive, and everything to do with you and your ability to move forward in peace – and grace…I feel much freer now, lighter, more prepared to step forward into a new life. I can make decisions that make sense for all of us and trust that my angels and guides will lead me to my next perfect place for me…forgiveness is sweet, graceful… these are the qualities I want to carry forward into the next phase of my life.
Forgiveness and acceptance go hand in hand,… they are Godly qualities that enrich your soul and soothe the pain in your heart…..
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