February is Heart Month and with Valentine's Day fast approaching, many of you have your minds on matters of the heart… Love and relationship may be the single most significant aspect of our lives – even over money and financial security. It is though our connections with others that we learn and grow, because of the people around us that we can survive life's setbacks – and are motivated to… indeed, love makes the world go round…
The trouble comes when we are so focused on finding that loving connection that we end up pushing it away. We get wrapped up in the excitement of the moment and end up being so intense that we burn the relationship out before it has a chance to find its feet. So often I find myself encouraging a client to slow down when they connect with someone interesting… take it easy, float along for awhile, see where the relationship is going, how you like each other before you try to define it and begin setting expectations. Allowing yourself to float without thought of the future gives a new relationship a chance to breathe so that love can grow naturally and comfortably.
So, how do you float in relationship?
Start by letting go of expectation and “need” – don’t expect that he or she will return every call, don’t get anxious when he doesn’t call or she doesn’t respond…. and definitely DON’T keep calling when you don’t get a response.
For the first few months, avoid making plans beyond a week or two away.
Be flexible. If a date has to be postponed, don’t resist, just rearrange a time that suits both of you.
Trust your inutition – if you feel something is a little "off", be alert, noticing, listening – and willing to back off..
Floating in relationship gives you a chance to check out the scenery – it gives you time to know each other, not just what you like, but who you really are, and how you are as a couple, whether or not you have what it takes to make a relationship work in the long-term… it takes more than chemistry… floating along for awhile – at least a few months – gives the pheromones time to settle down so you can see each other clearly. Then you can think of defining the relationship, setting a course for the future, making plans for holidays together, and maybe even to start a family.