I’ve received so many calls in the past few days about new relationships and Valentine’s Day disappointments that I realized it was time to share the advice I have seen come through my readings time and again… the biggest problem is that our fear buttons are so often triggered when we find someone we want to care about, and to have care about us… We want our new love to reassure us, we want to know how they feel about us and so we look for clues in their every action and reaction. … and we press for affirmations, validations – and yes, that dreaded word, commitment – far too soon. Don’t be in such a hurry to hear those all-important words, “I Love You” – or to say them. When love is proclaimed too soon, it is actually a warning signal!
There is something magical in a new connection that seems to send our common sense flying out the door.
We get so excited that a special someone might want us, that we overlook some important clues about whether or not our excitement in warranted. One of the calls I received this week was about 6-month long distance relationship… although my client was “head over heels” for her, they had never actually met. Yet, as I looked into the energy, I could see that there was no real impediment to their meeting, so I checked, and sure enough, she lived only 10 minutes away from him. After the first month of this connection, common sense should have warned this young man that something was wrong that his new love would not meet him… and after 7 months of broken promises to meet, you would think he would see the truth… it was time to let go of the hopes, to move on to other possibilities.
Long distance relationships are tricky. No matter how long or how frequently you have connected with someone over the phone, – even with a webcam – no matter the number and length of the email or text messages, you don’t really have a relationship until you have spent some solid time together. You need to know how your love “smells” – to have had some real intimacy, not necessarily physically, but certainly emotionally.
The trick to making a new relationship work is to give it time to develop and air to breathe. Another common mistake in new relationships is to do too much for our new love… he’s out of work, and you have a spare room, so you let him move in, expecting that he’ll get a job soon and be able to pay his share…. She’s a struggling Mom and needs a new car, so you lend her the money expecting she’ll pay it back when she gets that promotion……. Too often, because we moved forward too quickly – we let our pent up feelings take control – we miss important queues. Because we want to be loved so desperately, we avoid seeing the amber lights that tell us to slow down and take a second look – and so we end up feeling used and abused… A relationship that gets intense almost from the beginning will burn out before it has a chance to spread strong roots.
Yet, we can avoid these disappointments very easily – and also have a better chance of making that new relationship work in the long run…
When you meet someone special, take a good deep breath, allow yourself to shift into objective observer mode so that your Third Eye will have a chance to read this new love. Stay present, “in the now”, don’t be thinking of what next, nor of what came before… relax, smile, allow yourself to float for a bit, to allow the energy and the relationship to move along as it will… be a little detached so that you can see your new love truly – and whether this relationship is worth your emotional investment…. when love is free to evolve naturally, at its own pace, it has a chance to grow and to last.
Some Do’s and Don’ts for Grounding a New Love
Do – Stay Present, Keep Your Focus on the NOW
Don’t tell your life story on the first date
Don’t ask too many questions
Do keep your hopes, dreams and expectations in check!!!
Don’t jump to outcome
Don’t entertain thoughts of commitment
Do get on with your life
Don’t be hanging by the phone waiting for the next contact
Don’t break dates with your friends to be with your new love
Do relax, have fun, enjoy getting to know your new love interest – and yourself – better
Don’t allow yourself to let anxiety take control
Don’t try to mold the relationship or direct the flow