Loving means listening with your heart… creating that Space of Love that contains the power to dissolve differences, conquer fears and heal old pains.
Consider the nature of true, pure love…
I often say that love is actually pretty ugly… Love is what brings us out of our deep sleeps to the aid of a sick child, or to help a frightened neighbour, or to be present at a grandparent’s deathbed. Love shows up, no matter what. Love carries us through the bad times… it has substance and strength to it. While it may waiver from time to time, and must be nourished to stay alive, when love is true, pure, unconditional, all it really takes is a small spark to create a roaring fire once again.
Most of us associate romance, attraction, excitement, with being in love – the heart palpitations, butterflies in the tummy, can’t wait to see them next feelings. What turns us on in relationship is about sexual energy, romantic imagery, passion, hope, exhilaration… but while true love has some of this fire in it, true love is much softer, calmer, quieter… True love doesn’t trigger our fears. When passion is expressed in love it leads to a sense of real contentment, a feeling of all being right with the world… and this feeling lasts no matter what else is going down… I don’t know if many of us really know the energy of love in this way… the kind of love that has a constancy and consistency to it, is trusting, sure, quiet, peaceful, nurturing, listening…
Did you know that your ability to love truly is directly connected with your ability to hear? And that your ability to listen – actively, from the heart, can make or break a relationship?
Global Psychics’ experts on love have long held that the way to nourish love is through active listening. Active listening is a multi-sensory event. When we are wholly involved in listening, we listen with all of our senses, we notice not only how we feel, but also how our partners feel. We are tuned in, responsive to all the insights coming to us, not just the words. We see the body movements, notice the hesitations, the pregnant pauses, and we can feel the raw energy at work.
What happens when we are listening, noticing, loving truly? More importantly, what happens when we’re not actively listening?
In our experience, an inability to listen with our hearts is at the bottom of most breakdowns in relationship. Without willing communications on both sides, we get bored, lost in our fantasies, and our relationships usually break down over time… one day you discover you’re living with a stranger… Better start listening, now!
When we’re listening, we can notice when our partners are unhappy. Too often we overlook the signals that a relationships needs attention because we are afraid to probe, fearful of what we might find out… To keep a relationship healthy, we must be sensitive enough to know when it is veering off course, and brave enough to ask the hard questions: “have I done something to upset you?” – and then we need to be loving enough to really listen and respond from our hearts.
One of the greatest barriers to loving – and listening – lies in the images we hold, our perception of what love and partners “should be.” When all that we hear from another is filtered through negative beliefs about ourselves, our partners, how we or our partners should behave, what relationship should look like, we cannot possibily hear or see each other clearly… To really be able to listen, we need to let go of expectations, romantic ideals and fantasies – all the “shoulds” – and allow ourselves to know and be fully in the moment… as if every time someone speaks, it is the first time you have ever heard them speak so. When every interection with another is fresh, without projections, innuendos or history… we are listening completely from an open heart… and can hear what is actually being said.
A second common barrier to loving and listening is our need for security which leads us to that habit so many of us have of letting our imaginations get away with us. To listen from your heart, you want to be listening without trying to interpret or read into what the other is saying. In our anxiety about being loved, we can read far too much into each other’s every action and word, seeking clues to the other’s love, reassurance and security… and when we are so focused on trying to interpret what the other is saying in terms of how it impacts us and our relationship, we miss half the conversation. To be successful in love, we must trust that we’re OK, that it is safe to communicate our feelings, that we don’t have to live in fear of what we might hear, or are not hearing. We can take things at face value without having to look for hidden meanings. And that can take a whole lot of the stress out of the relationship.
Listening leads us to take loving actions, to reach out to heal old wounds, to make changes that benefit our souls. Listening is to love what nurturing is to a child; listening is like water to a seedling, it enables us to grow.
To create a Space of Love that touches many souls….start by listening, with an open heart.