I have always appreciated the word discombobulated… it so perfectly describes that moment when your cage has been rattled… It sounds like it feels… I think of those bobble-headed dolls…so rattled that you can’t focus anywhere, can’t think what you should do. ..you're so disoriented, you're: bouncing around in several directions at once.

In those moments, I will do whatever is in front of me – the dishes, laundry, weeding the garden, knitting, readings, responding to mail, updating my mail list, anything to feel productive in some way….  That task will usually lead me to the next…then the confusion clears in a few hours or days. But recently it has had me in something of a tailspin for many months…

The sense of being disoriented began when I was hospitalised and recognized that I needed to make some big changes, to take better care of myself….and I have made real progress, no cigarettes in over 4 months now, I just  finished an intensive 6 week physio program – getting stronger, I am doing some work in my garden every day, eating more regularly and sleeping better… but that feeling of being discombobulated, just keeps nagging away at me… and in fact, life has become even more complicated and confusing…my mother took a walk to the grocery store and ended up at my house, upset because she couldn’t remember how to get back to her own home, Alzheimer’s digging in deeper… and the same day, my son lost his balance once again, spent the next few days raging… He's still volatile, but a trip to the Dr yesterday and another tweak of his meds seems to be bringing him back… Meanwhile, Mom has now taken to wanting to walk about around supper time, so I have been needing to find ways of distracting her… and her money keeps disappearing.

At the same time I am dealing with some serious financial challenges, doing my best to keep home and business running…arthritis and personal life may slow me down at times, but now more than ever, I still need to keep revenue flowing… God bless those who have submitted orders in the past weeks, they not only help to keep the lights on, but they give me something worthwhile to do… and at the end of the day, I need to find a way out of this state of confusion.

My life has been about service and so I thought it was worth sharing my story since some of you are probably feeling discombobulated in your own lives and looking for solutions.  Here's what I have learned from the experience:

  • Do something – don't just sit frozen in fear, take some action, get busy with whatever you see needs to be done… mundane tasks like laundry, housecleaning, weeding the garden, even walking the dog, are very useful for carrying you through these moments.
  • Take some positive action to relieve some of the stress… this morning I called the hydro company, reported some payments and then negotiated for some time to pay the balance… felt a big relief when I hung up… it's amazing what a little positive action will do to relieve some of the stress and reduce the confusion.
  • Meditate and pray… The meditation helps to manage the stress – and often leaves you with new insights and ideas around whatever has discombobulated you… and prayer is powerful in attracting solutions…
  • Call on those you know on the other side who may help you find a solution… for example, when I was quitting smoking, I called on my father – also an ex-smoker – to support me.- and I often felt his presence around on the hardest days, comforting..
  • Keep going – don't give up…. my sister-in-law and I were joking today about how nice it would be for us to be able to hide out in a comfortable cave with all the wool we wanted so we could just sit and knit and let the world pass by… but of course, that's not going to happen….We are needed, even if we are discombobulated…

So, if you've been wondering why you haven’t heard from me, its because I have been so disoriented and in such anxiety and fear that the only work I have been able to focus on is the reading work… I am tired, and very very sad…this too shall pass…. The good news is that I am working my way out of this state, an inch at a time… as long as I keep looking for ways to be productive, a good plan will evolve, a new direction will show itself… and the stresses will disappear…

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